I will not write about what is autism. Much information exists in this world of computers.
I will not describe how it all happened ... My great ambition is to share what we live with this boy and a daily struggle against prejudice, the difficulties and how in the end, with hope and hard work, leaving winners of this battle.
Today I find myself to read "Autistic, who ...? I?" - of Ana Martins.
I had to stop after reading the first 5 pages ... those words ... I seem to write! It was I who wrote this? No... was a mother with an equal to my boy!
How do I identify in this book.
By the way says the colors.
- What color is strawberry?
- Of Benfica!
- What color is Benfica?
- Benfica is called Red!
Porto is called Blue.
Sporting is called Green.
Eye for the John and I have both pride in it!
What he was and what it is ...
The diagnosis: Delay in Development of Autism Spectrum with only spent 6 months ... but I can say that there is a before and after!
They say that John is a good boy to be working.
Speech and already looks in the eyes when asked.
Already playing to make account!
Risperdal and therapy in APPDA-Lisbon, with Ana
I have days that I do not feel so proud, so happy ... When John has its crisis is desperate. I feel powerless. But time passes and we learning with each other how best to be felt well in this World ...
I must admit that the balance is positive.
When I see a smile.
When I hear a phrase more elaborate.
When I hear a word that perfectly ...
When I feel an argument ...
The John is being pulled this World and is able to integrate themselves in a positive way.
I feel that John is becoming a happy child!
And feeling that he is happy, I contribute to a better harmony in the home the three of us: myself, and John, Jose.
The more I know this issue, the more I am informed about this problem, I am most distressed.
I realise major problem and I am afraid.
I feel that now I became a mother-hen. Something that I have never been so far! I only protect the John of everything and everyone.
From all that surrounds and may pose a danger and all that it can cause malaise.
When I did not do in suffering ... It causes malaise which is around me. This to be back with him. Even the feel secure. And that safety always going to be next to me, because I know what you think, what they feel and what I do!
It is a great confusion of feelings!
At school the John is to integrate well. The school is making a huge effort for the integrated John feels the best.
All the therapy made in APPDA is being extended to school and at home ... And that is already bearing fruit!
Parents corner of the John are not informed about the situation. But I have not had any problem with them. The friends of the school realize that the boy John is a different, and are always to protect it. This will not create a bad environment in the room. Its difficult to concentrate destabilise is that the work of the room, which means often end up destabilising the work of other friends and educator.
But the effort, patience and dedication of all is in sight ... Just look at the John ..
I hope that with time all these signals decrease in intensity and John can go forward.
As John so small, yet I am hopeful that everything not pass a wrong diagnosis ... How can I explain what I write? What all this work being done with John, it can leave this diagnosis and that can be independent in its minimally emocial and social life.
I know that I have a vision for the very front, you can not have with these children.
Each day is one day, each step is a step ...
But I can not lose this hope.
While I have this hope, I have strength for this fight. A fight in which I know I am not alone, but the "characters" are the main John, Jose and me.
Often I am alone this fight ... I am without ground!
But do not miss the strength!
I NOT QUIT!
But in the end is very gratifying to see developments, see the differences and essentially live and feel the moments and emotions, only that these children can give us, forward, to see, feel and live!
If on the one hand, is when the crisis, shows the whole turn of aggressiveness on the other hand, can give us a disinterested and true love, able to make me smile, even when my great wish is crying.
Often stop by me and I think that is a privilege for me and to Jose, have a boy as John in our lives.
Since John began to therapy and taking medication, the very relationship with brother has changed! If it was not possible before the address Jose him off, because a simple gesture of Jose was able to place John in the state of your biggest irritation, now the Jose became a model for imitation for John.
And if on the one hand I am happy with that, VERY HAPPY, on the other hand, give me the angry by the two forming the nonsense. The Jose serves as a model for both for John and for evil! It is very funny ... Very funny ...
See John playing the ball with his brother:
- Moves the ball to me!
See it in a special boy as John .. It is an achievement!
It is amazing how these experiences in our life make us give importance to small things.
In a simple phrase that perfectly, a simple Thank you correct the situation, a simple kick the ball, ask to make a race, play the hidden, is able to make me feel the best mother in the world and that I am able to fulfil my mission.
As it is worth continuing, because I am rewarded in the best way I can be ...
When the diagnosis was made by John .. is collapsed around me.
I felt an enormous weight of pain, as I have not felt much to.
The last time that I felt so, it was in my file for divorce!
A anguish, sense of angry, an empty ...
It was a very difficult period.
Being with John in the sessions, the diagnoses, hear what I said without spare me the details ... And always alone! When alone to listen and to assimilate all the information. At least was trying to ... Often my thoughts mixture with the voices of doctors!
I just wanted to come out to run. Exit door outside the office. Turn back to the institutions and seek more views! Surely there that a doctor who me say:
What nonsense! The John is just a naughty and rebellious boy!
But of all doctors who corrected, nobody told me that ... Only were confirming the initial diagnosis.
I hold the tears ... But they keep on falling.
I do not want to cry, I do not want the John being aware that I am crying! I can not ...
But in fact those tears for John had no meaning!
So it was fun to see her mother cry! For all the emotions he went to the side!
It was so indifferent and unconscious, that at school, often draw the dolls to girls of his room only to see the shouting and crying!
That for him was a joke! It was very funny and laugh themselves hence.
Alone, was alone I had to roll up our sleeves.
But if it was very difficult to overcome that period, today feel a great pride for myself.
I am able! We are achieving!
And today I look at the John, and their way, John is a normal boy!
It is special because it can teach me a lot, to show me the beauty in small achievements. The John can get the better of me and it makes me very happy ... And with the strength to continue this fight and show the world, to our mediocre society, that they too have rights, they can be happy in a way different from ours, but there is no need to be excluded! They can do a lot ... And I am proud to have this privilege and I am proud of the show at all!
Part of me just wants to protect the John of the evil that exists all around the our reality, but never had, I have shame or John never had the will to hide the world.
Actually there are embarrassing and unpleasant situations.
When John, without apparent reason, decided to throw to the ground what's around it, begins to beat who approached him and send silence anyone who attempts to interfere. I recognize that often seems to be a naughty boy, but it is not! If we take care, instead criticizing the first scream we heard that child, we understand that it is not a naughty boy, but a boy who is eager for some reason. We should not, we can not just point the finger ... But everything we write, for now, is only understood by someone who passes or already have passed the same as us.
Our society is very ill-informed and trained to deal with a difference.
Everything that "exception to the rule" is considered abnormal!
But much in this society frightens me!
How will the integration of John in school?
I speak not in school where you are now! But in the future ...
I do not question that John often the university, but I would like to have the same opportunity. If not often higher education that decision by itself and not because they have the capacity.
Maybe I do not express the best way ...But I think it is understandable what I try to convey.
The company has to give opportunity to these boys to the same extent and according to its capabilities.
Often stop to think and imagine how it will be the future of John
I know it is not possible to know, imagine ... But it is inevitable.
It will be the same John had to attend a state school with rooms Teacch? Or have the opportunity to attend the private college of his brother?
I feel I am more secure in relation to Jose, but John and? It will be the better for it? Has the college capacity and conditions to receive a boy like John? These were not my plans! I wanted my boys andassem both in the same school! But Jose will get the fair where the college is doing their friendship to a state college, because that is where there are better conditions for John? And as I have sure that John will be well treated?
I recognize that I have the best views of state schools. When toei in state schools, public transport and walked alone, but the times were other! Today we live in a society more evolved, but with these developments come at the other consequences of growth. The violence, aggression, insecurity ...
How do I to protect my child?
As a mother I find important and essential for the development of John be integrated into normal education, the opposite also think crucial for children who attend the school live with normal boys like John The Julie can learn from the other children, but it is not only he who wins! Children learn to accept difference, to respect and be supportive.
The John attending a nursery and is swimming on Sunday, where his brother, also attend. The John is always a great excitement to go to the pool. However, when the class takes place in large pool, it merely sitting on the edge of the pool . It has always special attention of Professor Fernando and another instructor accompanying him during the whole class.
The John is growing. And with all this monitoring is visible throughout its development. It is such that sometimes I question me about your diagnosis. We often say things very certain, but in truth ... Indeed go phrases that are listening and repeating. Sometimes uses the expression in the right context, sometimes not ...
With my testimony also want to contribute with examples of exercises, therapy sessions and we can do.
... in one way or another ...
WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT!